2nd Meeting Plus My Weigh-In Equals A 3.4 Pound Loss!

WWDay: 9
Pounds: 203.4(Weigh in 01.30.2012)
Loss: 3.4
Thoughts: I spent most of the day in a funk. C took my “Before” pictures, and it proved more emotional than I’d expected. I painted my nails in an effort to feel better, but my mood devolved until I melted into a pile of tears. After some self indulgent sadness, I started to remember that there’s no shame in having gained weight, but a ton of pride in making the changes towards finding my health again.

I headed to my second Weight Watchers meeting for my weigh in and learned that all my counting, tracking, and budgeting points has gained me a 3.4 pound loss!

Go me!

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

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We Went Out For Brunch!

WWDay: 8
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: Well, the first week was hard. Very. Not memorizing equations or writing a thesis hard, but unexpectedly and surprisingly hard. I ended the week yesterday without any emotional valleys and I began this week with just one today. I suspect things will only get easier. Maybe I’ll have a week without any valleys?

Because I point-planned my breakfast, dinner, and snacks, I had enough points budgeted to stay on track, go out for brunch, and enjoy myself! We went to prasino‘s for (half of) a DELICIOUS AND THE BEST southwest black bean burger with mashed avocado, pico de gallo, arugula, monterey jack, and chipotle mayo on a multigrain bun.Then a half side of garlic wedge potatoes, a Bloody Mary, and shared sorbet!!!

Sure 19 points is nearly 2/3 my daily budget BUT amongst a point-planned day by a budget minded girl (and C), I stayed on track. A week ago today, I was positive no one could stay on track, go out to eat, AND enjoy themselves. I’m not above being wrong!

Time to Eat From Smaller Plates With Smaller Utensils

“The average size of an American dinner plate has increased almost 23 percent since 1900”

Today, C forwarded me yesterday’s NPR’s Food Blog: The Salt Deception Diet: How Optical Illusions Can Trick Your Appetite about how our brains are hard-wired to mislead us, and might be misleading us to overeat.

“As predicted by the illusion, people underserved and overestimated on small dishes, while the reverse was true for large dishes. People using the smallest dishes undershot the target serving by as much as 12 percent. But people using the largest dishes took up to 13 percent more food than they intended.”

WWDay: 7
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I successfully finished a week!!!

With a daily goal of 30 points and a weekly 49 points, I’ve got 18 weekly points left! My weekly activity goal was 16, and I earned 25! I ate those 25!

YAHOO

Better Living Through Chemistry? Or Stronger Food Addictions Through Flavor Science?

The most important 14 minutes and 4 seconds of my day. “The flavoring industry is the enabler of the food processing business – which depends on it to create a craving for everything from soda pop to chicken soup. It is Willy Wonka and his chocolate factory as a multibillion dollar industry; an industry cloaked in secrecy. But recently Givaudan, the largest flavoring company in the world, allowed us in to see them work their magic.”

Tweaking Tastes and Creating Cravings – 60 Minutes – CBS News

Safer: You’re tryin’ to create an addictive taste?
Hassel: That’s a good word.
Streich: Or something that they want to go back for again and again.

The entire transcript.

WWDay: 6
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: When I feel great, I feel GREAT! Elated about planning out what I’ll eat before I get hungry; about cutting my food into smaller pieces and chewing slowly; about grazing on fruits and vegetables; and about feeling energized. When I don’t feel great, I feel like SHIT! The tears pour out and I’m sure I’ll always be hungry; I’ll never feel full again; I’ll always want to fill my face with something; and I’ll never taste deliciousness again.

I feel like I am on a hormonal, emotional, and chemical roller-coaster. I feel like I’m in withdrawal. Turns out, I might be. Instead of blaming a manipulating food industry and an enabling flavoring industry, I will educate myself on industry motives and what I choose to put into my body. To keep from slipping into a passive frame of mind, I’ll be re-watching (and re-watching) this video as I conquer my addiction to excessively and artificially flavored foods. Time to conquer!

Cookies Are My Exercise Motivation. Ironic.

I have never hid my love for cookies. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one serving of cookies. Ever. Often, I start eating cookies while I’m still walking around the kitchen so that I don’t “have to” count their calories. I like to make-believe that foods eaten while I’m still standing are calorie free. This is not honest.

Last night I did some math, pretty simple math actually. I (re)learned that if I exercise, I earn activity points (ie: burn calories) and then I can EAT those points in the shape of a cookie. Or two.  I have been ignoring this intuitive cause and effect relationship for awhile. With this re-learned lesson, I immediately turned on the Wii-Fit (for the first time in over a year) to free-step for a half-hour and then baked some cookies.

C found (the amazing and invaluable) skinnytaste’s Low Fat Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies recipe. Quite similar to skinnytates’s delicious Low Fat Chewy Granola Bars with Pecans Raisins and Chocolate (we call them power packets in this family).

To practice my new honest relationship with food, I put two newly baked cookies on a plate. And two on a plate for C too. Then we sat down and ate slowly to enjoy one serving of cookies.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 5
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts [I am writing under assumption that “perfect” isn’t defined as a subjective and unattainable perfection, but rather as a realistic reflection of perfection via unique imperfections]: I can’t unravel some thoughts that will need unraveled as I find my health. When I was 15, over half my life ago, a boy that I liked very much, told me I was perfect except that I could use to lose 20 pounds. It didn’t matter that at the time I was a swimmer and gymnast, and consequently pretty fit. What mattered was that I heard I wasn’t good enough. And this made a mark. I shared this story for the first time with C last night. I’ve kept this memory quiet for countless reasons, all of which look irrational in the light of day.

In the light I know that I am valuable, beautiful, and perfect as I am. I also know that I need to lose weight; approximately 40% of my current weight. But at this point, these pieces of information are interwoven; I feel valuable, beautiful, and perfect BUT not as good as I would be if I were 40% lighter. I’m going to learn how to unravel them.

After sharing, C looked at me and reminded me that the only ones who don’t think I’m perfect right now and need to loose the weight are my organs.

I’m Eating Carrot Sticks So That I Won’t Stab You

Since Sunday, my brain has been overwhelmed with contradictions. While I’m proud of myself for choosing to find my health again, I resent that I can’t live in a magical world where consequences simply don’t exist.

Let’s catch up:

On WWDay 1: My family and C have been encouraging me to find my health for some time now. I was enthusiastic and reluctant to join. Not enthusiastically reluctant or reluctantly enthusiastic, but both. A part of me knew the time had come; if I was going to count calories and habitually work-out without any help, I would have by now. But that other part of me dug deep into my eight-year old self and was pissed-off. As soon as I finished signing up I wanted to eat my weight in ice cream and passionately resented anyone who reasoned with me. Sure I didn’t actually eat ice cream to feel better, but I did cry.

On WWDay 2:  I was driving from school to work and called C to tell him if we hadn’t started this the day before, I’d be pulling into the McDonalds I was about to pass, and often stopped at on this commute.

I had my first meeting later that night in a pleasant and brightly-lit room. I half expected the WW meeting to take place in a small, cigarette smoke filled room in a church basement just like I imagine AA meetings do. Sitting amongst the 30 people gathered with a common goal, I noted for the first time that I was in a new situation without feeling ashamed of my body.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 4
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I was betrayed by orange juice this morning. At three points (10% of my budget) it wasn’t THAT good. This is probably why people put vodka in it.

This is for Posterity…not a Pulitzer

This isn’t going to look like my professional blog or my witty Facebook page. I’ve challenged myself to post here daily and I’ve given myself permission to document my choice to evaluate food, weight, exercise, and self esteem. I will record the inspirational as well as shameful moments. I’ll write things no one will stumble upon and things strangers will read unbeknownst to me. This will be like a collection of post-cards sent from my Weight Watchers journey. Here we go.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 3
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I can’t believe I said no to butter so that I’d have the points to spend on bread.