Whilst Out on My Evening Constitutional…

I discovered that a slow, enjoyable, end of the day ten minute walk takes me around two whole blocks.

noun (dated): a walk, typically one taken regularly to maintain or restore good health.
New Oxford American Dictionary

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11,293 Steps is A LOT of Steps to Take Sober

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Many Of Which Where Taken Sober

I won’t confirm nor deny that any alcohol was consumed on today’s walks. BUT if it HAD been, it was awesome.

Pack Your Baggage Like You Just Don’t Give A Damn

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Everyone Carries Baggage

Hey internet, I’m more open about my anxiety than I used to be. Maybe you noticed. This choice was painfully and exhaustively thought out. Someone will read my posts and will no longer know how to act around me; mental illness is frightening and I understand your hesitations, but I am still the person you knew before you knew I struggled. Someone will read my posts and identify me AS anxious; mental illness can cast a shadow over personality traits and I understand your confusion, but I practice managing my anxiety like a diabetic practices managing their blood sugar. Someone will read my posts and reach out to me because they, or someone they love has anxiety and they share. They share stories, questions, concerns, advice, fear, hope, laughter. Thank you. These exchanges have been some of the most meaningful reactions to my online footprint.

Don’t Let the Pendulum Hit You in the Ass On Your Way Out the Door

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Honor the Tired

When I make a change in my life, I  MAKE A CHANGE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! Until the pendulum swings back and knocks me into the behavior I had changed. Or worse.

When I made the change to count Weight Watchers’ points I counted points LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! And then the pendulum swung back and knocked me into emotionally eating more than before. I weighed more than when I’d started the program. I slowly learned to push the pendulum back; slowly, realistically lost weight again. After my WW meeting space changed and my favorite leader quit, I lost my personal connection to the program and left. While still overweight and under healthed, I am better at keeping the pendulum away from extremes.

Five days ago I decided to exercise like my quality of life depended on it and I excersized LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! For an overweight and out of shape body.

It’s day six and I’m tired. I babysat this morning. Tired. I had an anxiety attack. Tired. I did some intellectually challenging writing. Tired. Look at that face. Tired.

I don’t want the pendulum to hit me in the ass on my way out the door. So I took a slow, relaxing, and reflective 30 minute evening walk.

Honor the tired.

My Body Said No

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Goose Walk

I had BIG plans for an evening swim tonight (you know…yes-ter-day?) but I started to feel tired. Really tired. And sore (you know…yo-ga?). I went on a great walk at the zoo with a great friend this afternoon; I recorded approximately 5,000 steps! Then this evening, as swim time approached, my body said: no.

Momentarily I assumed I was being lied too, that this was just my anxiety pushing its agenda. My anxiety is skilled at convincing me to work harder, not better; that working right means monotony-until-burn-out; and pulling away from and avoiding work is an optimal strategy to recover from exhaustion.

I listened to my body. It said it needed rest, and I slowly began to trust its motives. I compromised: I worked an extra hour on a small thesis goal BUT with an expiration time regardless of goal-completion (burn out protection).

This is a new balancing technique for me: I rearranged plans guilt free and added protective parameters.

My body says it’s bedtime.

When Plans Go Wrong!

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Swimsuits Required

I have had the most balanced of days due to a LOT of planning, work, and pushing past comfort zones. I started the day with a good morning walk; I ate delicious pancakes; I laughed; I worked through anxiety caused resistance; then I worked through more anxiety caused resistance; I even met a particularly difficult thesis goal; AND I made it to the gym in time to make it into the pool for a swim!

One thing. I didn’t pack my swimsuit.

Did You Know You Can Bring A Coffee On Your Walk?

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Sipping Iced Coffee on My Good Morning Walk

Apparently, when you decide to take a walk, you can make up your own rules! I woke up with a plan to walk, but was hesitating because I wanted to have some coffee first…and then C simply said:

At that rate you won’t be out of here for another hour, why don’t you take your coffee and enjoy it on your walk?

But I walk too fast to drink coffee!

You just woke up, why can’t you slow down your walk and enjoy being outside.

I…could. I just never thought of that.