One Day TWO Walks

Walking like your quality of life depends on it is fun when a friend joins you!

Advertisements

Looking Foward to a Change Of Scenery

image

Last night I decided I would start today at the zoo for my walk; I went to sleep AND woke up actually looking forward to it. I know…I’m as surprised as you are. I enjoyed a 25 minute lap around the west bit of the zoo.

“Just Get Out Of The House”

image

“Just walk for ten minutes; Just get out of the house.” I’m using exercise to mitigate anxiety and depression; I’m pushing myself to do a MINIMUM of ten minutes of exercise everyday. Like my heath and happiness depended on it. I just needed to walk away from the house for five minutes and turn around. When I checked my watch and realized I was nearly ten minutes out, I turned around ecstatic, because I was on twenty minute walk!

Little Phitness & Big Pharmaceutical

image

Today wasn’t a good day. Nothing in particular, just not an easy day to navigate; not an easy day for my loved ones to witness. I don’t hide my anxiety and consequently, depression. I’m not ashamed that I manage my mental health with a toolbox of resources I’m always learning to use. Today I think I hit a low point, and I feel pretty sad. And hopeful; I supplemented big pharmaceuticals with a little fitness. The gym was going to close in less than an hour but I went over and swam my hardest for ten minutes. Now I feel less sad, and that is wonderful.

Two Year’s Resolutions

I could tell you how this past year was a huge failure because I didn’t reach the weight loss goal I set a year ago. But then I’d be lying, about the failure part, that bit about not reaching my wight loss goal is true. In fact, I even gained some weight back. A year ago I started Weight Watchers to lose weight, obviously, but more importantly to gain health. I lost nearly 10% of my starting weight (kind of a big deal) but then my commitment became distracted by daily responsibilities, a desire to live with wonton abandon and without consequences, and worst of all, stress eating. And I gained about 75% of that loss back. While I might look like Year One was a failure, in my brain it’s been a huge success!!!

My Two Year’s Resolutions (kind of like New Year’s Resolutions, but better):

1) Continue to check myself when my inner monologue says things like “I’ll be happy once I lose this weight” and replace it with things like “I am currently happy AND especially happy that I’ve decided to take better care of myself which includes losing unhealthy weight.”

2) Continue to pay attention to how I look at food so that I can change poor habits into good choices; honestly recognizing that eating with compulsion due to stress is NOT the same as eating with intention due to hunger and basic nutritional requirements.

DFTC Carrots Two Years Resolutions

I have a habit to compulsively eat at the end of the day; without being hungry and without a specific craving, I really, really, really just want to eat. Since I’m not really eating with intention, I’ve replace my night-time snacks with frozen grapes or fresh carrots (in a dessert bowl, because presentation counts).

3) Continue to respect food as something my body needs to maintain, repair, and think RATHER than a way to pacify emotions or respond to an emergency.

4) Continue to plan ahead because there are versions of myself that CANNOT be trusted, and hungry-me is one of them. When I allow myself to get blood-sugar-droppingly hungry, I tend believe to that the only two options in the world are a) to put all of that bread into my mouth right now, or b) die. No one wants to die hungry-me, so a lack of planning on my part should not constitute an emergency on yours!

5) Continue to balance my relationship between intake and outtake. It took me years to learn fiscal responsibility, and I still learn new things about living within my means, so I’ll keep practicing nutritional responsibility AND fitness.

6) Continue to remember that I deserve good food, good movement, and good rest. If I wouldn’t stand for a life-sentence of proteins replaced with sugars, movements restricted, and sleep interrupted, then I will NOT volunteer to live that way!

Happy Two Years!

Cookies Are My Exercise Motivation. Ironic.

I have never hid my love for cookies. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one serving of cookies. Ever. Often, I start eating cookies while I’m still walking around the kitchen so that I don’t “have to” count their calories. I like to make-believe that foods eaten while I’m still standing are calorie free. This is not honest.

Last night I did some math, pretty simple math actually. I (re)learned that if I exercise, I earn activity points (ie: burn calories) and then I can EAT those points in the shape of a cookie. Or two.  I have been ignoring this intuitive cause and effect relationship for awhile. With this re-learned lesson, I immediately turned on the Wii-Fit (for the first time in over a year) to free-step for a half-hour and then baked some cookies.

C found (the amazing and invaluable) skinnytaste’s Low Fat Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies recipe. Quite similar to skinnytates’s delicious Low Fat Chewy Granola Bars with Pecans Raisins and Chocolate (we call them power packets in this family).

To practice my new honest relationship with food, I put two newly baked cookies on a plate. And two on a plate for C too. Then we sat down and ate slowly to enjoy one serving of cookies.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 5
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts [I am writing under assumption that “perfect” isn’t defined as a subjective and unattainable perfection, but rather as a realistic reflection of perfection via unique imperfections]: I can’t unravel some thoughts that will need unraveled as I find my health. When I was 15, over half my life ago, a boy that I liked very much, told me I was perfect except that I could use to lose 20 pounds. It didn’t matter that at the time I was a swimmer and gymnast, and consequently pretty fit. What mattered was that I heard I wasn’t good enough. And this made a mark. I shared this story for the first time with C last night. I’ve kept this memory quiet for countless reasons, all of which look irrational in the light of day.

In the light I know that I am valuable, beautiful, and perfect as I am. I also know that I need to lose weight; approximately 40% of my current weight. But at this point, these pieces of information are interwoven; I feel valuable, beautiful, and perfect BUT not as good as I would be if I were 40% lighter. I’m going to learn how to unravel them.

After sharing, C looked at me and reminded me that the only ones who don’t think I’m perfect right now and need to loose the weight are my organs.

This is for Posterity…not a Pulitzer

This isn’t going to look like my professional blog or my witty Facebook page. I’ve challenged myself to post here daily and I’ve given myself permission to document my choice to evaluate food, weight, exercise, and self esteem. I will record the inspirational as well as shameful moments. I’ll write things no one will stumble upon and things strangers will read unbeknownst to me. This will be like a collection of post-cards sent from my Weight Watchers journey. Here we go.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 3
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I can’t believe I said no to butter so that I’d have the points to spend on bread.