Success Can Look Small

For the last few months, I haven’t been holding myself completely accountable or taken full responsibility for my food choices, and as a result I’ve re-gained 11 of the pounds I’ve lost. While it isn’t the end of the world, it is a reminder that I’ve lost control of my choices. But often, I don’t feel like I have enough time to stay in control.

A 0.2 loss is a small success, but still a success.

This week, I didn’t have enough time to track EVERY food choice or plan out EVERY meal, but I did remember that it’s not “all or nothing.” If I didn’t track this morning’s breakfast, that didn’t mean I shouldn’t track lunch. If I had cookies for lunch, that didn’t mean I should have cake for dinner. I wasn’t perfect this week, but I didn’t use my imperfections as an excuse to give up.

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Lost My Way & Gained Some Pounds

Sometimes restarting is just as difficult as starting.

I haven’t been to a WW meeting since…

Anxiously awaiting my first WW meeting in a month.

What I’m saying is I didn’t weigh in OR track my food all through October. A whole month of poorly thought out food-choices, stress, funerals, weddings, traveling, forgetting that every action has a reaction.

A few weeks ago, I turned to C and said “I’ve slipped. And now I’m as big as a car.” “A car?” he said. “Well, half a car.”

I do not weigh as much as half of a car!

I’ve gained 7 pounds in the last month and I’ve lost my way. But, the good news about losing one’s way, is one can always find it again.

I’m Eating Carrot Sticks So That I Won’t Stab You

Since Sunday, my brain has been overwhelmed with contradictions. While I’m proud of myself for choosing to find my health again, I resent that I can’t live in a magical world where consequences simply don’t exist.

Let’s catch up:

On WWDay 1: My family and C have been encouraging me to find my health for some time now. I was enthusiastic and reluctant to join. Not enthusiastically reluctant or reluctantly enthusiastic, but both. A part of me knew the time had come; if I was going to count calories and habitually work-out without any help, I would have by now. But that other part of me dug deep into my eight-year old self and was pissed-off. As soon as I finished signing up I wanted to eat my weight in ice cream and passionately resented anyone who reasoned with me. Sure I didn’t actually eat ice cream to feel better, but I did cry.

On WWDay 2:  I was driving from school to work and called C to tell him if we hadn’t started this the day before, I’d be pulling into the McDonalds I was about to pass, and often stopped at on this commute.

I had my first meeting later that night in a pleasant and brightly-lit room. I half expected the WW meeting to take place in a small, cigarette smoke filled room in a church basement just like I imagine AA meetings do. Sitting amongst the 30 people gathered with a common goal, I noted for the first time that I was in a new situation without feeling ashamed of my body.

Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.

WWDay: 4
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I was betrayed by orange juice this morning. At three points (10% of my budget) it wasn’t THAT good. This is probably why people put vodka in it.