Walking like your quality of life depends on it is fun when a friend joins you!
1) Life is actually happening right now; 2) I deserve to take care of myself; 3) I don’t have control of much in the universe, but I can control what I choose to eat; 4) Choosing a good first meal sets the tone of my day.
So it’s been 157 days since my last entry, since I’ve lost any real weight or gained any real health. I haven’t met my 20 pound loss goal. I haven’t pushed through a loss of 19.6 (back in April). I’ve maintained my health, but I remember that I’d like to gain more health.
I went to the doctor about a week and a half ago for my annual check up.
After a steady increase of weight (and loss of health) over the last
half-a-decade, I weighed significantly more healthier!
I started this blog with permission to document my choice to evaluate food, weight, exercise, and self esteem. I am re-starting this blog with permission to make mistakes, to not feel guilt, to let go of an “all or nothing” mentality, to stop trying to do this perfectly, and to use reflection as a tool for growth and change.
WWDay: 187 (07.25.2012)
Pounds: 189.2lbs (Weigh in 07.23.2012)
WWDay: 30 (02.20.2012)
Pounds: 194.4 (Weigh in 02.20.2012)
WWDay: 16 (02.06.2012)
Pounds: 198.2 (Weigh in 02.06.2012)
Thoughts: Well, I was a tad nervous about weighing in after super eating during the Super Bowl, but YAHOO! I really don’t have anything to say but that! If you had told me 16 days ago, that all I needed to do was commit to honestly tracking my food choices and dance a little with the Wii to start losing weight and finding my health again…I would have cynically called you a liar.
Wish you were here.
Since Sunday, my brain has been overwhelmed with contradictions. While I’m proud of myself for choosing to find my health again, I resent that I can’t live in a magical world where consequences simply don’t exist.
Let’s catch up:
On WWDay 1: My family and C have been encouraging me to find my health for some time now. I was enthusiastic and reluctant to join. Not enthusiastically reluctant or reluctantly enthusiastic, but both. A part of me knew the time had come; if I was going to count calories and habitually work-out without any help, I would have by now. But that other part of me dug deep into my eight-year old self and was pissed-off. As soon as I finished signing up I wanted to eat my weight in ice cream and passionately resented anyone who reasoned with me. Sure I didn’t actually eat ice cream to feel better, but I did cry.
On WWDay 2: I was driving from school to work and called C to tell him if we hadn’t started this the day before, I’d be pulling into the McDonalds I was about to pass, and often stopped at on this commute.
I had my first meeting later that night in a pleasant and brightly-lit room. I half expected the WW meeting to take place in a small, cigarette smoke filled room in a church basement just like I imagine AA meetings do. Sitting amongst the 30 people gathered with a common goal, I noted for the first time that I was in a new situation without feeling ashamed of my body.
Don’t Forget To Chew: Confessions and accidental lessons from my adventure.
Wish you were here.
Pounds: 206.6 (Weigh in 01.23.2012)
Thoughts: I was betrayed by orange juice this morning. At three points (10% of my budget) it wasn’t THAT good. This is probably why people put vodka in it.